It may only be January, but here’s an early candidate for album of the year. If you’ve been living up a Chinese pipe for the last few months you would’ve missed the buzz and excitement that surrounded The Hands Of God on their tour last year. Eclectically choosing to play only in motorway service stations or Happy Eaters up & down the country, they’ve managed to gain a hardcore following, one that’s only going to get bigger once this album gets the airplay it deserves.
The band themselves are comprised of Glen Madeiros and the rhythm section of Sigue Sigue Sputnik, and with occasional contributions from ‘Richard’ - a 62 year old Patagonian farm herder, whose musical contribution is listed on the sleeve as ‘vibe controller/visionary’.
The album kicks off with the rawkus cover of Brown Sauce’s hit I wanna be a Winner and after feeling your mental imbalance get slightly tripped by the conceptual Inverse Pyraminds (As seen Sub Specie Alternis) the listener is encouraged at various points to make their own contributions to the tracks - Madeiros implores you to ‘Clap your hands’ and ’spill your intestines’, then the band halt proceedings to allow the listener to try and accomplish these tasks. In an interview that appeared in Fiesta, the top draw jazz mag, Richard explained through the ancient language of Gargamel (the Patagonian whistling language) “We just want to fuck people’s heads up man - we’ve all had a lick of the envelope and now we’re off to buy some stamps.” And it’s a feat that they accomplish on the awesome Ogden Summerby Church Raffle 1976 - a recording of a church Harvest fair raffle in Neasden that runs for over 25 minutes and is only interspersed with the sounds of dwarf prostitutes being whipped. A Keane fan would probably want to turn off at this point, but for the more adventurous musical traveller, there are a few more delights to be found. Open Mollie Sugden and feast on her rusty innards is a Jazz fusion track that would make Miles Davis spin in his grave if he hadn’t been cremated and had his ashes mixed in with food given to ravenous wolves. For Christ’s Sakes, I told you the traffic would be bad is the last squealing orgasm on the album - Madeiros recorded his vocal in the colon of a Blue Whale, and the ambient panic in his voice is a joy to behold and a counterpoint to the contribution of the rest of the group, who employed illegal Chinese immigrants to play their instruments on this track.
The album comes to a close with another cover, Hello by Lionel Ritchie. The band all had to spend 3 weeks in Alaska after laying this down “To escape Davey Darkness and his bad JuJu” - and that alone should convince you of the power of this recording, and as an album as a whole.
This is going to be the year of The Hands Of God - come jump on the bandwagon before you end up starring in a pantomime production of Puss In Boots at the Swindon Town Hall. You know it.